Freshman Year of the Rest of Your Life

Most of us are coming up on a year being removed from the college life. I'd like to take a moment to point out a few things I have observed.

1) Parties are definitely not as sweet.

Perhaps its just that college graduates feel like they are too old to party. Perhaps they feel like they should be living a much more sophisticated life by only frequenting high class bars and clubs. Whatever the case, parties just don't have that "college" feel to them.

You can read my post about the Selma Blair party, which was far from eventful, other than us wanna-be collegiates drinking all of the too-cool-for-college kid's beer.

You know parties are going downhill when tables are covered with hordeurves instead of sticky cups in the shape of a diamond.

A party is not a party without at least ONE person passing out, puking in the front yard, or breaking something.

It wasn't a party if you wake up in the morning and there are no red cups to be found, not a single fruit fly is searching for leftovers, and your sandal didn't stick to the hardwood while walking around.

Finally, its not a party if the cops don't show up.



2) Adding Responsibility.

Its not that us college grads really have that much more responsibility than you college seniors out there. Honestly, I probably assume less responsibility than I did last year. However, something happens when it comes to getting that 11th drink when you know you really shouldn't because (a) you won't remember it; (b) you can't afford it; and (c) you have to drive home in 15 minutes. In addition, something changes in regard to general apathy toward one's living quarters. Some of you may be living in trashy apartments, frat houses, or even garages, and this is completely fine as a college senior. In fact, I encourage it. When you graduate, for some reason everyone wants to grow up and have nice furniture, a clean apartment, and "modern art"; otherwise known as the Ikea $40 special.

Personally, I want to go back to homemade stadium seating, spray-painted siding, and kegs laying around the property.



Wouldn't this be a MUCH better beer pong table?


3) Anti-metabolism.

Many of my friends in undergrad were athletes or at least favored working out everyday over putting on the freshman 15. The post college freshman year weight gain is MUCH harder to prevent. This results in less will to eat, which results in less ordering of pizza and the "ohh why not get a six-pack of blue moon with it" attitude. Now, its all about the lean protein, veggies(ugh), and LITE beer. Wow. What a fucking joke. I'm trying to look like this...




4) Post-College Girls are not as...fun?

I recently posted about a particular night of strip flip cup. If I were to ask my closest 4 friends that are girls to do the same today, I would probably stand about a 4% chance of an equal result. Reason being? Possibly a combination of Ikea sophistication, wine/cheese party atmosphere that doesn't come close to the standard beer pong/flip cup take your clothes off feel, and girl-fear of exposing that extra freshman-year-after-graduating-fifteen that we're all piling on to stay warm this winter (and summer).



5) Conclusion.

Extend your collegiate stay. I know numerous people that are on 5 and even 6 year plans to finish college. My youngest brother is preparing to graduate high school in a few short weeks and I would do ANYTHING to switch shoes with him (and age, no, I'm not trying to pick up 18s. Ok, yes I am). Couldn't you just enroll in school and take absolutely every class offered, and acquire every degree possible, until you're 80 and ready to retire? Sure, you will NEVER be able to pay off the loans, but at least you got trashed off some private bank hoping to rape you in interest over the next 20 years.